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It has been 12 long years since I lived in Los Angeles.  I remember the beautiful weather, the hummingbirds outside my apartment window and my weekend visits to the beach just to listen to the waves.  I miss that.  One other thing that I miss is a long-lost friend (well, not really lost – lost in touch maybe) whom I connected so well while I lived there.

For this post, let’s name him Chad.  I met Chad through America Online (when it was really really hip) through a room called gaychristians.  It’s the room I created on AOL that almost quickly filled up every time.   We got into talking and we really enjoyed our conversation online that it quickly led to phone conversations.  I remember how we would talk for hours on end and not even thinking about the time at all.  Our conversations revolved around his struggle of being a Christian and gay at the same time.  I had already gone through the struggle and at a point in my life that I felt comfortable in my own skin.  I wanted to impart to him whatever wisdom God wanted me to share with him similar to the help extended to me by a Trinitarian brother who opened my eyes to the fact that regardless whether I’m gay or straight, God loves me just the same.

Chad and I quickly became friends.  There were no romantic inclination there because I was simply there to share my experience with him.  An experience that made me realize God’s unconditional love.

We finally decided to meet.  There was a Cirque du Soleil playing in L.A. and he loved Cirque du Soleil.  He suggested that we see the show together.  We met, watched the show and had dinner as well.   He didn’t stay long after that and so I thought – hmmm.. that was interesting.  Was he turned off?  I thought it was a good time together.

Shortly thereafter, we continued to talk to each other over the phone.  Hours upon hours of great conversation.  Then, the time came that I had to move back east.  I missed my family a lot and wanted to be back home.  We lost touch.  We kept each other’s email address and phone numbers but we know how that goes.  We would contact each other from time-to-time and say our hellos but nothing like we used to do.

It went on like that for years.  Little did we know, 12 years had passed. I never really knew if he was able to accept his sexuality over the years or if he is married now.  I really missed him.

Two weekends ago, I was camping with my friends when I received a phone call from him.

“Hey, this is Chad!”, he said.

“Chad!  I’m so glad to hear from you! It’s been ages!”, I responded.

“It’s been a long time.  Did I catch you at a bad time?”, he asked.

I didn’t want to appear overly excited so I asked, “Well, I’m camping at the moment with my friends.  I am really glad to hear your voice again but can I call you when I get back home?  The reception here is very weak.”

“Sure, sure!”, Chad said politely.

~Click~

I called Chad as soon as I got back from camping.  There was no answer so I left him a message.   A day went by.  Two days, three, four, a week and a half.  I thought to myself, “Maybe I offended him.”  I didn’t mean to – it was just that I can’t really hear him well over the cell reception at the camp site.

Today, I thought of him again.  I dialed his number.   At around the fourth ring, someone picked up.  “Hello, this is Chad!”.  I really missed that voice.  I said, “Hey, it’s me!”    It took about a minute or so for both of us to get over the awkwardness of not knowing what to say.   After a few minutes, we started our usual conversation.  I couldn’t get over the fact that the feeling was still the same.  We talked four three hours catching up on our lives.

I found out that he moved to the Bay Area and has concentrated on his career, saved a few bucks and started investing in real estate.  He also started day-trading and did pretty well at that too.  Along the way, he met someone.  They were together for a couple of years until something silly happened and they broke up.  I was afraid to ask whether that someone was a guy or a girl until he slipped and said during my litany of questions and responded, “He moved in with me when I bought my house.”  Then, I knew.

We talked about how he is doing with his spiritual life nowadays and that he was finally able to balance his faith and his sexuality.  I was glad.  No, I was ecstatic.

Chad has been a good friend.  When we first met in person, I didn’t feel like he was attracted to me although I was attracted to him.  I didn’t want to show him then because I didn’t want to be the “loser” in the situation.  I didn’t even dare to find out if he was in the least interested in me because we all hate rejection.  I decided to keep it that way.  We stayed friends all these years.

One thing that I like about our conversation is that we know we both love God.  We can talk about God and even though we’re gay, we’re not ashamed to talk about His grace and love.  I like that about Chad.  The highlight of our conversation tonight was when he said to me, “You know, sometimes we are just too impatient.  We don’t know how to wait for anything.  God said, ‘Be still and know that I am God.’  Why can’t we just relax and leave everything up to Him?”

That statement hit me like a ton of bricks.  I realized that I have forgotten how it is to let go and let God.  God is in control.

To make the long story short (short?! ), I am blessed.  I am blessed with friends like Chad.  I am blessed to know that God is in control.   I am blessed because God has a plan for me and Chad.  I don’t know what it is but it’s been in the works for 12 years.  I’m excited to find out.

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