Sep 16 2009
The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.
“I do not understand my own actions because I do not do what I want to. But I do the very thing that I hate. … I can will what is right but I cannot do it. For I do not do the good that I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do. Now, if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who does it but the sin that dwells within me. … Wretched person that I am. Who will rescue me from this body of death, from this life of sin? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord.”
Why is it that whenever I try my best to be good, that’s the time that I do things that I shouldn’t? Is it man’s nature or is it pure neglect of the teachings that I’ve learned as Christ taught me?
There are many things in my life that I would like to change. I want to quit smoking. I want to help others. I want to be unselfish. I want to preach the gospel. I want .. I want.. I want… Yet, I fail most of the time. Can I blame it on human nature? Or could I even use Adam & Eve as my scapegoat because after they sinned, sin became a part of man. Is that even an excuse?
I beat myself up so heavy at times that I think of myself as someone who isn’t worthy of God’s love. Why do I keep on repeating the sins that I know will hurt me? There are so many good things I want to do but I am not doing it. I struggle daily as I go through and review my life.
I am a Christian. I am gay. Am I going through something different than the rest?
I think there’s only one answer to all my questions. PRAYER. When all is said and done, prayer is the only thing that will keep me strong. But even prayer is a struggle. Please do keep me in your prayers if you are reading this. I need to – I want to have that fire that was burning inside of me before.
“Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak.”
I absolutely will offer up some words for you, my friend, if you’ll do the same for me. I think that would be a fair deal.
Again, thank you for your transparency. It’s such a rare thing to come across in today’s facade driven society, even within Christian circles.
I struggle so much with feelings of worthlessness and uselessness. At times, it’s almost like a sickness that weighs me down and makes me want to stop breathing. I have prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed about it… and I have done all the things one should do to not dwell on it when it hits hardest. Still, here it is. In me.
I haven’t given up though. I want to say, “God is good.” And I want to mean it. And I think perhaps I do. Sometimes.
I love coming here. If I can ask one thing of you, it’s to just keep writing, no matter what. These things are better out in the open than festering in the shadows.
Hello Tony! God bless you!
It’s comments like yours that makes me want to keep on writing. Honestly, this blog has been in existence for years but this is the first time that I am fully interacting with readers. I am humbled.
Of course, of course! I would surely pray for you. Whatever it is, God is there to listen. I believe that firmly. His answer only comes in three forms right? Yes, No and Wait. Don’t give up.. and by the way you’ve shown yourself in your comments, I already knew that God is in your heart.
I will try to keep up and write – - and yes, I do have a post tonight so – - do come back please?