Dec
13
2009
I wasn’t feeling very good today. I am not sick or anything, I simply feel down and not in the mood for anything. The rain wasn’t helping either. It’s very rare for me to feel this way but when I do, it’s quite heavy. I can’t put my finger on it and I can’t even say that I am depressed for there is no reason to be.
I would guess that it is part of life. I recently attended a wedding, a friend just had a baby and another friend graduated from college. Could it be that I am trying to assess what I’ve done with my life? Is it because I think that I will never get married or have children? I don’t know what my subconscious is saying but I feel really sad.
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Dec
05
2009

I believe that I’ve written about this before. I grew up knowing that I am a homosexual even before I knew what the word meant. Coming from a brood of 10 children, it was more likely for a family of that size to have at least one homosexual person… and that person is me.
When I started feeling this way, I remember looking up the word homosexual from those huge Encyclopaedia Britannica books (if you remember them, it kinda ages us a bit. LOL). I tried to understand why people fall in love (or lust) after the same sex. I was confused.
I carried that confusion all the way through college. It was something that I couldn’t grasp. My uber-religious backgroud based on Christianity even made me feel worse. It was supposed to be a sin and something that I shouldn’t be feeling. But I did.
That would take me years before I meet someone who explained it to me in real terms. In religious terms. I cannot find that person anymore, but he was the most beautiful creature to me. He was able to make me see that God loves me for who I am. And through him, God manifested Himself to make me understand that I am God’s project.
Take a look at this video and tell me what you think.
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