Gay-Christians.org

I had a wonderful time over the holidays as I spent my Christmas with family in New York City. There were the festive meals and gift exchanges. My Christmas was too close to turning sour because I ended up sitting alone in my sister’s house while the rest of the family were over at my cousin’s house. Midnight struck and there I was, sipping a glass of wine by myself. I thought, “I could have stayed at home and done this by myself! I didn’t need to drive three hours, bring all kinds of goodies, a case of wine and expect to sit all by myself as I welcomed Christmas.” That’s what happened.

As I thought deeply about Christmas, I would say that we really have forgotten its meaning. The meaning of sharing, giving and family have been lost. Many families still keep this tradition. I just think my family had lost its way. Since my parents passed, reunions became more scarce and family gatherings became a thing of the past. I saw one blogger’s post on how they celebrated Christmas and I was terribly envious of them. The gifts that they raffled off weren’t even gifts that would make anyone rich but it was the spirit of Christmas that made their Christmas more joyous than the families (i.e. mine) who exchanged lavish gifts but lacked the spirit. Thinking further, Christmas really wasn’t about gifts. It’s about cheer! Make someone happy. Make everyone happy.

I knelt and prayed on Christmas Day and wondered if we will ever get that spirit back. I looked around and mulled over why we lost it. Have we all become insensitive? Do we really care enough for each other? As a family, is it enough just to have everyone gathered around the dinner table to enjoy each other’s company? I haven’t lost all hope yet. It has dimmed the pilot light I keep – just a little. I just hope this light will never go out.

This is one of the reasons why I don’t try to get involved with people via online.  There is a difference between meeting someone in person and knowing all the expectations already rather than speaking with someone online.

I just met someone by chance – not looking for anything.  We had great conversations and all that but he has since disappeared.  I wonder why?  It could be the time zone difference but I used to receive off line messages on my instant messenger but not anymore.  I guess “that’s how the story ended.”

I was out with my friends last night.  Went out to a lounge, had a couple of social drinks and then I headed back home.  On my way home, I somehow became emotional.  Not sure why.  All of a sudden, I thought about my mom.

You see, my mom passed away 12 years ago. ( Gosh, it’s been that long already? )  I never really had the chance to grieve.  I was in utter shock and to this day, I think I still have unrequited emotions.   I miss you mom!  I hope someday, I will be able to cry this out and let is all pour out.

This is the time of year when most of us who are single just want to just skip by.  Why?  We get lonely and we make the wish that we find that perfect someone (or not-so-perfect someone) just so that we can have someone to exchange gifts with, share the fireplace with or simply cuddle with.

But life is too short to feel that way.  Don’t get me wrong.  I understand the feeling of seeing couples do the ‘normal’ things that couples do during the holidays.  Putting up a Christmas tree together, ceremonial lighting of the tree blah blah blah..  but we can live without that too!  Love is all around specially during the holidays.  Spread it around.

One thing I did one holiday season is to volunteer at a local church for homeless people.  It was a humbling experience and it was fun.  I stayed one night at the shelter and the guy that they partnered with me loves Western movies.  So we watched all the episodes of Lonesome Dove.  It was not my cup of tea but I still enjoyed the conversation.  That was it.

The next day, I saw the homeless guys get ready for work.  Yes, some of them do work and some even have cars. They just don’t have a place to live.  But they are great people too.

If you are feeling lonely this Christmas – try it it.  You will feel fulfilled like you can never imagine.