“Therefore, be on the alert– for you do not know when the master of the house is coming, whether in the evening, at midnight, or when the rooster crows, or in the morning
– Mark 13:35
The disasters that have occurred in the last six months has got me thinking. The ravaging storm Ondoy in the Philippines, earthquake in Haiti, Chile, Taiwan and just today – Indonesia and Sumatra. What is going on folks? These are natural disasters that nobody expected. The people weren’t prepared because there is no way you can prepare for it. It’s like a thief in the night. Many lives were lost.
I write about this tonight because I am a man of faith. And my faith leads me to believe that having Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior, I will be okay. Yet, when things like these happen, I start thinking. Have I been faithful to God? Have I kept my side of the bargain with him. What if in His eyes, I didn’t and when He returns he catches me unprepared. Will I lose my own soul?
I strive to be a better person every day. I try to be kind in any way I can. But I don’t know if I should be kind. How am I fulfilling His will by being kind. Should I be kind to murderers? Child molesters? Gay bashers? What is kindness?
Feeling kinda cold? No fire in your stomach? I feel that once in a while. I feel like I’m not connected to God or that I’ve gone so far away from Him that I can’t feel the love that He has for me.
It’s normal. For us who strive to be like Christ, there will be times when we can’t feel His love. It’s not because He’s not there – - it’s because we’ve pushed Him away. And you know what, even if we did – He is only an arms length away because we’re the only one who can push away. He’s still there, watching and waiting for us.
I love this song so much and whenever I listen to it, I imagine God saying the words to me. It’s comforting to know that He is always near…always there to comfort me.
Listen and maybe if you’re feeling like it – - join in the song.
You’ve heard it before. ““I tell you,” he replied, “if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.” – Luke 19:40. And it’s true. We have to be cognizant of the fact that praising God is not for His benefit but ours.
I remember a story about a farmer who has put all his savings for the harvest that he was expecting. I can’t remember if it was a corn field or whatever but that is not important. All I remember is that he has put all his effort into the field and is expecting a great harvest. He recently became a Christian and learned about praising God and how it benefits US by praising Him.
Whether you’re a Christian or not, you must have heard of life after death experiences. It could be someone you know or something you saw in a movie or television.
I’ve heard many stories and I even read books about it. As a Christian, I cannot help but believe that there is life after this life. There has to be. Christ spoke of it many times.
The very thing that I like about those stories is the emotion that these people experience at the time. They feel peace, they feel love, happiness. But most of all, they feel the presence of God.
17As Jesus started on his way, a man ran up to him and fell on his knees before him. “Good teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”
18″Why do you call me good?” Jesus answered. “No one is good—except God alone. 19You know the commandments: ‘Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, do not defraud, honor your father and mother.’[a]”
20″Teacher,” he declared, “all these I have kept since I was a boy.”
21Jesus looked at him and loved him. “One thing you lack,” he said. “Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”
22At this the man’s face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth.
23Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, “How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God!”
24The disciples were amazed at his words. But Jesus said again, “Children, how hard it is[b] to enter the kingdom of God! 25It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.”
I went to mass tonight. A friend was visiting me and at times he would come with me to church. I don’t normally ask as I don’t want to appear as if I am trying to make him go to church. I would rather have him ask me if he would like to join me (which he’s done in the past). I am more pleased when he does it out of his own accord than my asking him to come with me. So, off we went.
I noticed that in the past three or four weeks, my church has been soliciting signatures for a petition that would block the state’s (New Jersey) recognition of same-sex marriage. I never had a problem with the church saying that as I have known ever since that the Catholic Church condemns homosexuality. In fact, the past two weeks – I listened and watched as the priest asked the parishioners to sign the petition. I don’t have any objection to anyone who would like to sign the petition. I just won’t sign it.
“I do not understand my own actions because I do not do what I want to. But I do the very thing that I hate. … I can will what is right but I cannot do it. For I do not do the good that I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do. Now, if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who does it but the sin that dwells within me. … Wretched person that I am. Who will rescue me from this body of death, from this life of sin? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord.”
I got quite a few comments in moderation today – from Tony Single. Welcome to my blog Tony!
I was deeply moved by his responses on the posts and kinda glad in a way because I didn’t think anyone read this blog at all. I will be answering his comments in a bit but since I am already making an entry, I might as well put out the thoughts in my head through the keyboard and tell you what it is.
When I was struggling between my faith and sexuality, I had one very big reason why I didn’t want to be identified as “gay”. I don’t want to sound self-righteous or “mightier-than-thou”. I just wanted to let you know why.
My friend Joey and I had dinner the other night. He is a usual here – he comes 3-4 nights a week to have dinner at my place or at times, we would go to a local diner to chat and catch up.
We got to talking about things, our lives and where we’re going. We often talk about the time when we grow old and the fear of not being paired with anyone. As gay men, we may not have children if we don’t choose to adopt. So, who would be with us when our eyes start to go bad. What if we become weak in the knees and need assistance just to get up from bed?
It has been 12 long years since I lived in Los Angeles. I remember the beautiful weather, the hummingbirds outside my apartment window and my weekend visits to the beach just to listen to the waves. I miss that. One other thing that I miss is a long-lost friend (well, not really lost – lost in touch maybe) whom I connected so well while I lived there.
For this post, let’s name him Chad. I met Chad through America Online (when it was really really hip) through a room called gaychristians. It’s the room I created on AOL that almost quickly filled up every time. We got into talking and we really enjoyed our conversation online that it quickly led to phone conversations. I remember how we would talk for hours on end and not even thinking about the time at all. Our conversations revolved around his struggle of being a Christian and gay at the same time. I had already gone through the struggle and at a point in my life that I felt comfortable in my own skin. I wanted to impart to him whatever wisdom God wanted me to share with him similar to the help extended to me by a Trinitarian brother who opened my eyes to the fact that regardless whether I’m gay or straight, God loves me just the same.
I will be answering his comments in a bit but since I am already making an entry, I might as well put out the thoughts in my head through the keyboard and tell you what it is.
