Gay-Christians.org

15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.

17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me.

18 I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.

19 For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do– this I keep on doing.

20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

21 So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me.

22 For in my inner being I delight in God’s law;

23 but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members.

24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?

After church this morning, I thought about the passage I always think about when I feel like I’ve let God down.  I’m frail and weak in spirit and I always find myself not following His will.

I wrote about this passage back in May of 2008.  I guess you can say that some things never change.  I am still at a place where I know in my heart that I should be doing God’s will but I am too weak to carry it out.

Verse 18 says:

18 I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.

If it is so, then why should I even try to do good?  If God’s grace is going to keep me from going to hell, why do I still feel guilty about the things that I do that is not of His will?

I have to rely on God’s grace because it simply means that Jesus died for my sins and that any sin that was committed, being committed and will be committed in the future have already been paid.  He died for it.

I just wish that I could be as pure and perfect as God wants me to be because He is perfect.

This is where the passage from James 5:16 comes to play.

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

So friends, let’s do just that.  Let’s pray for one another.

15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.

17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me.

18 I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.

19 For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do– this I keep on doing.

20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

21 So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me.

22 For in my inner being I delight in God’s law;

23 but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members.

24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?

Before I became aware of God’s unending love for me, I used to struggle with these words. I always felt shame being the way that I am and I tried to hide it as much as I could. I remember growing up, pretending to be someone else but me. It was easier to not answer the questions; it was easier to hide in the closet. Feeling dirty, lowly and unacceptable to society. That’s how it seemed. I was brought up that way. Like the lepers that hid during daylight and only come out at night.

God didn’t desire that kind of life for me. He wanted me to shine among my fellow gay Christians. That’s why He showed me the way to accepting who I am. There is nothing to be ashamed of. You are God’s creature. I am God’s creature. And yet we are not immune to punishment – we still have to follow God’s rules. Cheating is still a sin and so is lying. Coveting your neighbor’s goods and your neighbor’s husband is still a sin. You are not exempt from that, and so am I. For those are things where you are given a choice. You don’t have control over your sexuality.

So, my dear friends – I am more concerned about my selfishness, my boastfulness.

18 I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.

Do always keep me in your prayers as I try my hardest to be pure in His eyes.

Have a great weekend!